Andrew's Pumpkin

This weekend we had such beautiful weather. The boys played outside with the puppy, running all around, giggling and enjoying the outdoors. And knowing that the oldest two were having a pumpkin decorating contest today at school, I loaded up the van with the 3 musketeers and we headed out.

In my usual fashion, I didn't tell the boys what we were doing until we were in the van and on our way. So I was beaming with excitement to share the good news that we would be shopping for pumpkins to decorate. Upon learning this, each let out an exclamation of joy and the anticipation could be felt as the kids bounced around as I drove to the store.

Each boy excitedly picked out his own pumpkin with each struggling to lift theirs. I enjoyed quite a few laughs and chuckles as they were doing this and expressing their joy. And suddenly I thought of getting an extra one. A small one for us to do for Andrew. To honor him. Granted, I am sure that not many people do a pumpkin for their child who is passed away but I thought the boys would find this to be a fun thing to do and let them know that he is still with us. So one of the boys excitedly picked out a cute little pumpkin for Andrew.

Then we headed inside to get markers and a few other items. The boys were bouncing off the cart as we went around the store and kept talking about how much fun it was going to be when we decorate the pumpkins. I am pretty sure that anyone walking by us knew what we were going to be doing since the boys were being so vocal.

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Fast forward to Sunday afternoon and the boys were about to lose it since they were still having to wait to decorate pumpkins. And finally the moment arrived. I got out the cardboard mat we put down to protect the dining room table, broke open the markers and each boy had to pile out the front door to bring in their pumpkin. I'm sure we looked rather clumsy and disorganized and perhaps could have qualified as a comedy clip it was so hap-hazard.

So me and the boys gathered around the table, chose a marker and began to create masterpieces that I'm sure would shame VanGogh and other impressionist and modern painters.

Ryan shaded in parts of his pumpkin in red and then in green. Very modern. Very abstract in look and feel. He was quite proud and jabbered with excitement as he showed it off to me. Then he was done and moved onto playing with the puppy.

Alex made a face with red eyes and an open mouth with, I think, black pointy teeth. Imagine the famous "The Scream" painting without the background, a rounder face and no shading on a pumpkin. ....... Okay, maybe forget the reference to "The Scream".

And Samuel had to do a running commentary on everyone else's piece as he said he was waiting for the black and the red. So I began to work on Andrew's pumpkin because the boys told me that was mine to do. I started by drawing his name and then colored in the block letters I drew and then just started writing loving thoughts to Andrew.

Samuel finally decided to start drawing on his. He drew a huge smiley face. It was the kindest pumpkin you'd ever meet.

But wanting Andrew's pumpkin to be something we all shared in as a family, I invited each boy to draw something to either say to Andrew or to remember him by or to honor him. Whatever they wanted to do in honor of his life. I was glad to see how much they wanted to participate in decorating his pumpkin. How anxious they were to draw something for him. And they didn't hardly bat an eyelash. No tears or sad looks. Just big smiles and excited chatter as they drew their creations.

Alex drew the lion that he shared at his kids' grief class he attended a few weeks ago. So I noted that under the lion. And Samuel drew Andrew's face. I labeled that as well. Matthew was too busy chasing the puppy to notice we were doing the pumpkin and I asked Mark if he wanted to do something as well. He wrote a special message on it to join my "We love you" and "We miss you" messages. I also documented the year and that he would be 10 months old now if he were with us.

The boys were very proud of their pumpkins. I took pictures and we set them on the front porch. Of course, the boys had to bring Andrew's pumpkin out and determine where it would go. Then I asked Alex if we should put it out by his grave after the end of the month. He shook his head big at me. He wanted to come with. Just amazing. "Yeah mom, let's go visit my dead brother's grave," was like his thinking.

I paused as I thought of taking it out to his grave and leaving it there. If others would see it and say something like, "oh, they decorated a pumpkin for him." Or something like that. And here Alex seemed to be happy that we were doing something to remember him and then went on with life like I had just told him I was going to take him to visit a friend.

Lord, show us ways to honor Andrew that will include our boys so that they learn how to love someone even when they're gone.