No One Else

It's late.

I have gotten rather down lately. At first I thought it was just being drained for working so many late nights and long days on this project. Stress. Missing my sons. Missing friends and loved ones. Hormones. Or something.

Life has not turned out the way I thought.

I still think of Andrew almost constantly. And others who have meant so much. Well, who still mean so much.

My baby died.

My ................baby...................died.

He's gone.

I dreamt of being a mother from when I was very little. And getting married. Having a house. You know, the typical dream many little girls have.

Somehow losing a child was not part of that dream.

And if anyone would have told me that I would lose a baby I think I would get very upset and tell them they were nuts or something.

The grief group we went to, I have thought of calling one of the other women who lost a child. You know................ I read through the newsletter they send out on a monthly basis. This was the first we received.

I looked at the list of the others who lost their children. I fervently searched and contemplated which woman I would call and saw that two of them had lost a baby. I was excited to find someone that knew the pain I feel. And then my heart fell....................

None of them lost their children to an accidental death. I mean, none of them lost their baby to an accidental death. There was one couple who lost their baby to SIDS at about five months. That's so sad.................. that would be hard. I can't imagine................................

But it seems very few lost their child, their baby, their infant, to an accident. A fluke. ...........................

Actually no one at the parent's grief support group lost their baby to an accident. Lots of congenital diseases, which I know would be awful to go through. SIDS............something else that would hurt. Some miscarriages, which I know that pain.

But Andrew..................... no one lost their baby to an accident.

My little special is gone..............................