The Dream of Another

I have felt a stirring in me since the New Year started. Nothing constant. Just off and on. A desire that would come and go. Something I thought was probably just me missing Andrew.

I shared this with my sister. How I was starting to want to have another baby and quickly added that I thought it was purely the grief. But the stirring would still start to arise every few days or so.

I didn't think it was wise yet to get pregnant. I also didn't think that Mark was ready for this. And then I began to sense what I always sense when God's about ready to make it happen. I began to sense that the time was coming to get pregnant with our next child. (Some would say this is crazy but I really do get this feeling or knowing or whatever you want to call it that we will get pregnant.)

Of course, at first, I dismissed this as grief or probably just a year warning to help warm me and Mark up to the idea. Afterall, it's hard to know how soon after I start sensing the next one that it will happen. For Matthew it was a good 6 months that I refused. With Andrew I flat out told the Lord, "no" I didn't want to have another unless He's guarantee it was a girl.

After Andrew died, God told me we would have another to give back what we lost. Not that another baby would replace Andrew. No one could. More, God wanting to bless us with another because He knows that we are sad that Andrew was taken from us. (And no, I do not blame God at all for our little special's death.)

Anyway, I figured, oh it was probably not going to happen for awhile. I wasn't ready. I was a bit more willing to consider another pregnancy with Andrew gone. But . . . . . were we all really ready for that. And then I had the dream.

A woman told me that if I was pregnant, the baby would be due on September 14th. I remember doing a double-take in the dream and saying in shock, "what?" And the lady repeated it again. "I said, that if you were pregnant, the baby would be due on September 14th."

I immediately woke up from that and thought, "what?!?"

The next week we found out we were pregnant. And we are due in the fall.

What are you up to Lord?