I Miss Andrew Mom

The other night we sat down to dinner, reached out to hold hands with each other and were about to pray the blessing over our meal when Samuel blurted out a sentence that caught us completely off guard.

He sighed and said with all his heart and a frown on his face, "I miss Andrew." He acted like he couldn't it in any longer and as though he had just let out a huge burden. And it stopped Mark and I in are tracks.

Let's just say, I made sure to look in his eyes, tell him that we miss him too and then Mark offered one of the quickest blessings we have ever done. It was hard to know what to say. But we wanted to make sure that he knows that he can tell us about what he's thinking and feeling with Andrew at any time.

After supper came and went without much else. Mark seemed to act as though he hoped that Samuel wasn't going to say much more. I was concerned about Samuel since he seemed to be a bit down. But the boys were jabbering about the day.

Then at bedtime, Alex had lost his blankey a few weeks earlier and despite our best efforts, was unable to be found. Well,it seemed that he was especially upset. So, not wanting him to be upset, I looked everywhere for it. When I concluded that once again I was unable to find it, I began to bring him different blankets around the house to soothe him. I brought him almost every blanket in the house, including some that Mark and I use often. Nothing seemed to work.

In the process I brought in one of my most treasured blankets.It was Andrew's blanket that I used to breastfeed him while it sat on my lap. I have had this on my side of the bed or next to my side of the bed since Andrew died. That seemed to freak Alex out. But Samuel surprised me by saying that he would like to have that one.

Well, although my quest for the blankey was not successful, Alex did calm down and fell of to sleep while Samuel asked again for my special blanket. All I could feel was compassion for my son and handed him something I had not shared with anyone else but Andrew. And what he did caught me off guard.

I said good-night to Alex and turned around to find Samuel sitting upright on his bed with his hands out in front of him on the blanket. He took a deep breath and smiled.

"Oh now I feel better." He finally began to lay down. "I just imagined him in my lap. That made me feel better. Now I feel like he's close by and I don't miss him so much."

He pulled it close to his face, took a deep breath as a smile grew across his face. And Mark walked into the room to say good-night to the boys.

"Mom, now I feel much better since I have Andrew's blanket."

Mark got an odd expression on his face, said a quick good night to the boys and walked out of the room emotional. I could tell he couldn't handle it. I gave Samuel a hug and kiss and told him that I was glad it made him feel better and that I loved him.

"You can talk to me and daddy about Andrew anytime sweetheart." I said as I stood up to leave the room while I gave his arm a fond squeeze.