Too Reflective For My Own Good

I remember my son Andrew. I remember so much about him and yet I feel as though I am forgetting him at the same time. How odd when he is often in my thoughts.

I wake up and think of him.
I go to work and I think of him.
I see my other sons growing up and I think of him.
I go to sleep and think of him.
No matter where I am or what I am doing, he is not far my thoughts.

And I know that that is all I have of him now.

Memories.
Thoughts.
Questions.
Feelings.
Moments.
A few things that were his.
A few pictures capturing his image.
Only my mind holds who Andrew was.

A few others knew Andrew. And a few got to meet him while he was alive.

But me . . . I carried him. I had him physically with me for a year since it was at the beginning of June one year that I found out I was pregnant with him. And it was June of the following year that I let go of him.

One thing I wish for so much. One thing I long for and regret. That we do not have 1 single video of him. No record of his little coo's. Nothing to show others his darling little laugh. No video for me to hear him again.

And that makes me so sad.
It makes me want to cry.
It recarves the hole in my heart where he resided.

I miss you little special. I miss you so much at times it hurts too much for me to bear!

Little special.

My little special.