Life Since the One Year Anniversary

It's been a few months since I have blogged. The grief isn't so bad since a few weeks after the one year anniversary of Andrew's death. In fact, last week when someone asked me how many boys I have, I said 3 without hesitation and didn't feel an ache inside that I didn't count Andrew. But I still think of Andrew at those moments and think that they just don't know that there is another that I don't mention because it gets too awkward if I do. And I don't like people feeling all weird when Andrew is mentioned. So I give into the social convention knowing the truth inside. Well, a dear friend of mine that was there at the time knew the truth. I wondered if he thought of that when I answered the question?

I am now 9 months pregnant with a humongous belly that hangs down and I move a lot slower than I prefer. Since learning that I am pregnant with a dear girl, the pregnancy has been easier to handle for both Mark and I. I don't cry at each prenatal visit any more. And I don't compare Andrew's pregnancy to this one any more. I suppose it helps that I have reached week 36 and Andrew was coming home at week 36 from NICU. So now we're on usual ground of me getting really huge and walking, actually waddling, slower and slower with each week. She is being carried low so it's hard to walk and stairs are even more tricky. I am more exhausted than I remember ever being before with the others. Working a 42 hour week, my slightly advanced age and the boys means I sit down and fall asleep sitting up frequently after supper at night. But other than that all is well. I am healthy and baby girl is doing fine.