The Unexpected Surprise in Storage

Today we celebrated Ryan's 4th birthday. The day is actually tomorrow but we gathered friends and family today since it's hard to have a party after church on Sundays since it gets out so late. So we enjoyed a full house, lots of children and laughter and a few moments here and there to enjoy adult conversation. It was great!

On top of that one of my friend's stayed behind to help me sort through the basement storage to find the infant stuff I have stored from Andrew's days as a baby. We were able to go through the boxes found and sort out bottles, infant toys and the clothes from the baby shower a different friend threw for me last Sunday. All while enjoying some girl talk.

While sorting I found the usual things I have found each time I sort through our infant supplies before having another baby. This time though I got the pleasure of opening the box I have held onto for 8 years now marked "girl stuff". The box I had come to think would never be opened. A box I always avoided when sorting through all of the other boxes with each child's It would make me so sad. Anyway, all of that to say that I got to open the box and take out the blankets, bibs and outfits that have been stored within.

Then we opened up an infant box to find something I had forgotten was stored there. I pulled it out surprised. A light gray bunny hooded bath towel. Caroline, my friend, asked what it was and I told her. She just kept jabbering away as I was mesmerized that I had found it. She didn't notice that I just kept staring at it hardly moving.

What was so special about this?

This was Andrew's. I was looking forward to him growing up enough for him to use it when he became a toddler. But, of course, that was not going to happen now. And I put it in storage after his death not knowing what else to do with it. Any of his clothes are still separated from the other boy clothes in storage even since I am not sure what to do with them.

While all of this is going on in my head, Caroline kept talking although I didn't hear it.

Eventually I managed to say, "this was supposed to be Andrew's."

"Andrew's?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied. and she still didn't seem to understand. It was still a surreal to me to find something of Andrew's out. Even going through the bottles seemed odd since I knew who used them last. And many were not cleaned that well. Probably a rush cleaning Mark did after he died just to get them stored away and out of sight.

And Caroline never did seem to get that I paused at Andrew's bath hoody and paused for a moment from life. It's just how it is. Some people notice. Others don't.

I'm not hurt or offended or anything. And I didn't get overly emotional. It was just weird more than anything. Odd. Something that caught me off guard more than anything. And life went on.

Life always goes on.

And Andrew still is not with us. And we still remember him fondly while preparing for the arrival of a new family member as I wonder what he would about having a little sister. How would he handle her homecoming and presence in our home? What would he be doing? What would he be like? All things I will always wonder. And one that I will find out some day when I get to be with him again. Then I will get to know him and we will both be perfect people able to perfectly enjoy each other as we worship God for all eternity.

In the meantime, happy birthday Ryan! And I still love you immensely Andrew!