As We Wait for Little Angel

It is evening once again and still no arrival of our dear daughter. Things start but stop after 4 -5 hours. Or they go on for hours on end but are not strong enough to be considered labor. Gosh is this waiting torture.

I usually can be fairly patient but for some reason, when it comes to the arrival of our children, I am always excited in that anxious sort of way where I just can't wait to meet them and find it hard to calmly await their arrival. And so it is with baby #6.

I am 39 weeks now and the days count down to my due date. The date where the doctors will want to wheel me into the OR to do a repeat C-section if there is no labor or progressing labor by the 15th. I don't like this. The C-section I had before, while needed for Andrew's protection and to ensure his survival and mine, to an extent, was so difficult to recover from. A whole lot more pain and a much longer recovery time overall. It made my ability to spend time with my little special much more limited than I wanted. And the pain was awful.

Thankfully Andrew was light as a feather at 5 1/2 pounds so lifting him was no problem. Nursing him was a cinch. I was more concerned that I was going to hurt him since he was such a little tiny thing.

My heart's desire is to have birth begin naturally and progress on its own naturally and for our dear baby girl to enter the world without medical intervention like a C-section. I have been reading up on natural birthing, labor, midwifery, hypno-brithing, the Bradley method and watching documentaries. Arming myself with how to do this as naturally as I will be able to so that I can do this as best as I am able to. Being a wimp when it comes to pain, this is something. I pray God will give me the strength to do this. And that Mark will be strengthened as well since he remembers how this kind of a birth went with Ryan. I had minimal medical assistant and was unable to focus or control the pain for the last 5 excruciating hours I labored for his birth.

I have been fine with this pregnancy since passing Andrew's birth week number and finding out that this one is a girl. But the thought of a C-section breaks my heart. And I fear will remind me of Andrew. That I would lay on that table as they did their operation and closed me back up and would be feeling this awful pain grieving my son. Granted, the goal is healthy baby girl and a healthy mother. But I want to be able to hold my little girl within a few minutes of birthing her. I want to be able to try to nurse her close to her arrival. I want to bond with her as I was not allowed to for Andrew due to circumstances.

Please Lord, let labor come soon. I can hardly walk any more or move. Bring the joy of her arrival. Bring her soon. Bring her in Your time.

Now if only we knew what to name her.