Showing Off Little Miss and the Panics

Today's was Lynn's first outing to my work. We had an appointment and then I proudly walked into the office that I work in and showed her off to those that were there. And boy did it feel good. Everyone thought she was precious as she just slept the whole time as I passed her off to some of my friends.

And like on Sunday, some of the ones that I wanted to meet her the very most were not in or their schedule didn't allow for the introduction. A bummer but I'll live.  I figured there would be some that wouldn't be available and that is just how it goes.

I even joked that since today was Halloween that I had the perfect costume to go trick or treating in. I would dress up as a mother on maternity leave out with her newborn baby. And I had the perfect prop for the baby. I still chuckle at how silly that is. I'm such a dork.

Oddly she wasn't herself this evening. Almost like this afternoon was too much for her. She was very clingy tonight. The first time she has done that. Perhaps I should be more careful next time. I can't stand to have her upset.

There will probably be another time for me to show off her darlingness to those that haven't met her yet. Interesting I don't bank on that. Not that we're fatalistic or pessimistic or wishing for the worst, but it's a struggle to think that she'll stay with us. Mark keeps checking her to make sure she's still alive. He still has nightmares about Andrew. And now they have evolved into Lynn. How awful is that? He panics if she sleeps too soundly. Or too long.

He even panicked like that at the end of the pregnancy. One morning I slept in until 10, he came into the room. I was just starting to begin the process of waking when I felt him grab my ankle. It had been uncovered quite a bit the night before so it was cool to the touch. I heard him gasp and he got onto the bed all anxious and could hear his breathing change to nervousness as he felt my neck trying to find a pulse. So I grunted a bit and began to move and I heard him let out a huge sigh of relief and sniffle. Then I knew what I thought he might be thinking. He thought I was dead.

How hard this has been on him. I only have a touch of the grief. He's living a hardship and I hope he can move past it soon so that Lynn doesn't lose some of her dad.