Introductions and Tears

On Sunday, I proudly paraded our little girl around the sanctuary at church showing Lynn off to everyone who would listen. Well, okay I wasn't quite that bad but I did parade her around like a prize that she is. She is one of my treasures in this life. It was great to introduce her to a few of my friends. It was a bit discouraging though. It seemed like there were a lot of people who weren't there.

This week I have an appointment in the capitol city with Lynn. So I'm planning on taking her downtown to meet my friends from work.

And in the midst of being so excited to show her off I find myself choked up at times this week. It's just off and on really. Here and there. As I feel such a strong sense of pride and joy over being able to share her with those I love and care for, I feel such pain.

I never got to do this with Andrew. We were always so paranoid about the germs since he was premature and so fragile. Only a handful of people met him. At church, no one could touch him or hold him. I was so afraid he was going to get sick. The NICU told us to be so very careful with him and that if he got sick he would get VERY sick. He only had 1 cold in his little lifetime.He only threw up once. Lynn has thrown up lots of times. In fact, just a few hours ago she doused me with another round.

I was always so concerned about the germs. And the germs didn't get him.

I don't have to be concerned as much with Lynn. So I'm passing her around and showing her off and grieving that I didn't get to do the same thing with Andrew.

My plan was to bring him in to work the second week of June. The week after his death. The week where family, friends and colleagues met him. Met him as he lay in his casket at the visitation. So I got my way but not quite in the way I was thinking I would.

It doesn't seem fair to feel such contrasting emotions. I suppose this will not be the last time.