Conversations with Alex

Some amazing things happened this week.

When I was putting Alex to bed over the weekend, he told me he always gets sad when we visit Andrew's grave. I was so surprised to hear him bringing up Andrew on his own. And yet I also got a lump in my throat. I found myself feeling concern that this conversation may go on for awhile and how was I going to handle it. I didn't know that I could handle it.

I told him that his dad and I also get sad when we visit Andrew's grave too.

"It's very normal," I told him.

He just sighed and said, "yeah," and moved on to talking about something else.

The funeral home did say that they would bring it up like a random thought and then move onto something else like they had just talked about a toy or anything else. Gosh is that ever true.

And then just last night he came out after I had put them to bed. I was in the dining room trying to get things cleaned up and make bottles for Lynn. He had his index finger in his mouth and was acting almost shy.

"Um, mom," he said, "we haven't gone to Andrew's grave in a long time." He paused. Alex moved a few steps closer to me, ran his right toe around on the floor in front of him as he looked down.

Again I was surprised that he was bringing up Andrew but was much more stable emotionally about it.

"Yes it has." I said to him trying to make eye contact with him. I wondered where he was going with this.

"Um, mom," he said with trepidation and sighed.

"Yes sweetheart," I replied.

"When are we going to go back to his grave?"

I was about to answer when he continued with continued shyness.

"Did he ever get a stone on his grave?"

I responded, "Yes, that happened a few months ago."

"Well, uh," he continued, "I want to see what his grave looks like now that the stone is on it?"

He wanted us to take him there.

"Of course. We can take you there whenever you want to. All you need to do is ask us."

"Okay."

I told Mark when he got home and we'll be heading out to Andrew's grave sometime soon for Alex.