I Don't Want the Day to Come

Here I thought Andrew's 2nd birthday anniversary wasn't going to be so bad.

Silly me. I had come to deceive myself that this year wouldn't be so bad. It's his birthday not the anniversary of his death.

But this week I have been a bit moody. Snippy. Very melancholy. And down hearted.

My little special was born 2 years ago this coming Tuesday. What a wonderful day!

And as we heard his first cries, we had no idea that our days were numbered with the little guy. That we would see his last breath five and a half months later.

When not at work and putting on this air that all is fine, I had a big frown on my face. I walked around almost like I was in a daze. It was hard to be present my sadness was so intense and deep.

Well, at work it wasn't totally an act that all is well. I can get distracted at work with all the projects and things I am responsible for.

I even wrote, mostly on my own, a proposal that got us an interview in a few weeks. It wasn't even fully compliant with their requirements at my project manager's insistence. Crazy. Long story. Ask me sometime if you want to know because we're all amazed that we were asked for an interview. It should not have happened.

Anyway, today has been the first day I have felt somewhat normal. That the sorrow has not been so strong.

How am I going to deal with this? This year is the first year that I work on the anniversary of his birth.

And I don't want the day to come.