Leaving Leave and Leaving Lynn

I have returned to work. My maternity leave is done.

And while it is good in some ways to be back at it again, it is also saddening to me too.

As I expected, the teams I work with held off on many things while I was out. And some things didn't move ahead because the temp didn't know to keep asking to keep them moving. Or how to ask or maybe that she should ask.

She did a good job but her inexperience definitely showed.

Each night I come home from the office and make a special point of saying hello to Lynn and planting a kiss on her forehead. I love her so much and miss her so during the day.

And she looks blankly at me almost like she doesn't know who I am. It just kills me. I hated leaving Andrew to go to work and Lynn is no different. I dread the moment I have to go away. And Lynn's almost indifference to me when I return tears my heart out. As my heart is sad that she is not happy to see me, I tell her that I love her and that I missed her so much and that I never leave because of her. I just have to work so that we can have a place to live and eat and stuff. I repeat that a few times to her throughout the evening and hold her close and give her as much attention and love as I am able to between doing the dishes, doing laundry and picking up the house.

A few hours into the evening, she finally lights up like a light bulb and gives me a smile while wiggling her legs with excitement. And I look deeply into her eyes and talk to her about how special she is, how precious and dear she is to me.

Unfortunately, I have to retire for the night to try to get some sleep before my night shift comes. The next morning, I get ready to leave, kiss her good-bye again and tell her that I love her so much, will miss her terribly and that I don't leave because of her. It's only because I have to work so that we can live. Otherwise I would be right there with her.

Gosh do I hate that I don't get to be with her during the day.