Someone Remembers Andrew

Sunday morning I awoke with a great need to go to church. I needed to be in God's presence. I needed to see my friends. I needed a change of scenery. But I really needed to be with God.

I walked into the sanctuary looking forward to the start of worship and looked around to saw hello to some of my friends. After some waves and finding a seat, worship began. I held up my hands to invite the Lord to draw near and was thrilled to feel His presence around me and in the room. I relaxed into it, closed my eyes as I put back my head and entered into the music. Lingered in the moment. Enjoyed the peaceful calm and love that comes with Him.

When Mark finally got in there with Lynn, I tenderly undid her car seat straps, and with great care, lifted her out of seat and gently placed her body in my arms. I planted a tiny kiss on her forehead and snuggled her close as I went to show her off to Bonita.

I have known Bonita for two years now. She is like a mother to me. I love her dearly and just treasure having her as a friend. She's great and so encouraging and kind. Eevn after hearing me share my life story with her and listening to me confess the worst things I have done in my life. So she means a great deal to me to know so much and so much of what is NOT flattering or becoming about me and still love me anyway. And she was delighted to finally meet Lynn and have the opportunity to hold her.

"She's so beautiful Kay," she told me as she looked into Lynn's eyes affetionately. Our conversation continued for a few minutes talking about my daughter when she surprised me.

"I remember when you brought Andrew around for me to meet him. You were so proud then too."

Immediately I felt my heart strings pulled as I remembered showing him off to her. She was one of the few to meet him. I pressed my lips together tightly and began to notice the pain of his loss rising in me again. "Oh no." I thought. "Not again." And I looked down at the floor and gave her a bit of a smile.

But in the midst of this came this slight feeling of joy. She remembered Andrew. Someone remembered Andrew besides my immediate family.

It was nice to know that he wasn't totally forgotten. Granted, there are others who remember him. Hardly anyone brings him up. I don't know if it's becuase they are afraid I'll get upset or that they don't want to or if they really don't remember that I lost my son. Most likely though, it's because people don't know what to say or if they should say anything at all. Funny how you want people to remember, to talk about the one you lost and yet you don't at the same time. It's so odd and hard to explain unless you've been there.

I opened my mouth to say something and looked her in the eyes. She was looking at me fondly and with great care. And I realized that I was speechless and that my mouth was just hanging open.

Finally I replied, "Yes, I do." And smiled a bit at her again as I remembered that moment when I introduced Bonita to my little special. I thought I was about ready to cry and looked at the platform where the worship band was playing.

Interrupting my mixed emotional state, she exclaimed looking down at Lynn, "Gosh she is precious."

We exchanged a few more words about Lynn and how the boys are handling having a baby sister before she handed her back to me.

"This one is different, Kay because she'll stay with us. Won't she?" Bonita stated giving me a strong, supportive look.

"Yes she will." I said as I took her back into my arms.

Thank You God that someone remembers Andrew. That I get to share Lynn with others freely. For drawing close to me. You are too gracious and kind to me.