Saturday Night Continued

Last Saturday was one of the more difficult times that I have had in quite awhile. And I certainly don't enjoy them in the least.

After finally leaving Alex's room, I called a friend and she came over within a few minutes asking what is wrong. Thank God. I don't call that often crying into the phone. I do that with few people actually.

All I had to say was, "Andrew," and she hugged me while I cried.

I told her what had happened and she listened.

Alex peaked out. I think he was a bit worried since I was upset and crying. The boys don't like when they see me cry.

I reached out to him and he came into my arms readily and climbed up into my lap.

"It will be alright." I whispered in his ear as I wrapped my arms around him drawing him closer to me. "I love you."

Beth, my friend and neighbor, went into his room and read him his book.

I sat in my chair hunched over trying to push away the images of my son struggling for his life. Trying to stop feeling so much. I felt almost frantic in a way - like a caged animal.

Mark came home and I shared what had happened as Beth left. Then, in a frenzy, I gathered up my laptop to head into the bedroom to watch a movie. Anything to forget this. To numb the pain.

"Kay, don't medicate. It will only be repressed. I encourage you to feel it and deal with it tonight."

I sighed. I hated when he made sense.

So I curled up in bed and wrote about what happened.

I cried.

I felt.

I wanted to die it hurt so bad.

And then I went to sleep.